"When someone dies, you don't get over it by forgetting; you get over it by remembering, and by remembering... that no person is ever truly lost or gone once they have been in our lives and loved us, as we have loved them."

—Leslie Marmon Silko, poet and novelist

The preferred preparation for the funeral is a vigil or "wake" (so-called from the traditional practice of staying awake to watch over the body of a dead person) celebrated on the night before. The vigil is the time when the life of the deceased as God's gift to us is remembered. It is an opportunity for family members and others from the community to share the meaning of the life of the deceased as the gift and blessing that he or she was to each of them. The vigil should be given as much attention as the funeral itself in order to prepare participants who come to the funeral the next day to celebrate the life of the deceased.

The revised Order of Christian Funerals has formulated a ritual to celebrate the vigil in a more prayerful way. This ritual should be somewhat informal and varied. It is a time to gather together, read and reflect on Scripture readings, pray, share condolences, remember and celebrate the death of the loved one or friend. The Vigil Service is the appropriate time for a eulogy or for testimonies from family members and friends, coworkers and others about the life of the deceased, using favorite songs, reminiscences and even humor.

In general, children should be included in all aspects of the vigil and funeral. During this time of sadness and grief, children need to feel secure in the presence of the family and be involved in the rituals of mourning. They must, however, be prepared for what they will encounter – events such as seeing and hearing a parent cry. It is also important not to leave children alone. If a parent cannot be with them, then someone else whom they know and trust should serve as their companion. If children do not want to attend the vigil or funeral, then take time to answer their questions and address their concerns. Explain death realistically and honestly so they can proceed with their own grieving processes. Concentrate on what is important to them and do not give more information than necessary at the time. If they are still reluctant, do not pressure or force them to attend. Click here to view additional resources that may be of help to you.

Traditionally, it has been the custom in many places to pray only the rosary at the Vigil Service. Although the rosary is an appropriate and worthy prayer for those who are grieving, simply praying the rosary at the vigil should not replace the Church's fuller ritual developed for celebrating the Vigil Service. The family may choose to pray the rosary upon first gathering at the funeral home, or prior to leaving the funeral home to go to the church. It is also very appropriate, and desirable, for a family member to lead the rosary.

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